I'm not really a poet, but I went ahead and wrote one anyway, last August...
Can’t Wait
I stumble through the dark to quiet
your cries
Like clockwork, every two hours -
sleep deprived.
Body worn, I let out a silent groan
Can’t wait till this baby can do
it alone
Thirsty, hungry, tired, wet
on tippy-toes, fingers
outstretched
I’ve got it, I say,
again and again
Can’t wait till this baby can do
it alone
Run to the store – just a five-minute
trip
Takes twice as long just to buckle
him in.
Drags his feet down the aisles,
wants this and wants that.
Can’t wait till this child can
stay home alone.
Herd of kids at the curb, run in
to school.
Not him, though. Not yet.
He just shakes his head.
Late for work, I take his hand
Can’t wait till this child can
walk in alone.
School years fly by with rushed
dinners and sports
Nights filled with homework,
forgotten chores.
Flash cards, science, frustrating
sighs
History and spelling to memorize
Can’t wait till this child can do
it alone.
First day of high school, a
picture I can’t get
Our eyes meet for a moment: His
roll, mine are wet.
Two years fighting traffic and waiting
in line,
I need a clone - barely get there
in time.
Can’t wait till this child can do
it alone.
Son, do you have homework?
It’s already done.
What about that test?
97 percent.
Have a good day at school. I
stand at the door
as he slides behind the wheel
of his brand new, old car.
Be careful, I say.
One last wave. A brave face.
Today, my baby will do it. Alone.
There are three beautiful reasons I get to celebrate Mother's Day every year. Each of my kids is unique, with talents and qualities I'm awed by daily. One is quiet but opinionated, with an amazing dry sense of humor that continues to catch me off guard. One wears his emotions on his sleeve, loves physical comedy and sticking up for those he cares about. One is independent, mothering, matter-of-fact, with a sense of humor that is a wonderful combination of the other two. I've always said that as a mom I just want to raise good people. It is my honor and privilege to get to raise three. As challenging as it may sometimes be, as tired and frustrated as I get, at the end of each day nothing brings me more peace than knowing all three of them are tucked safely into their respective beds, sleeping peacefully.
These years go by so damn fast. Really. Everybody says that, don't they? Don't blink, because it'll pass you by? But oh, it's true. Watching them grow is bittersweet. I am wistful for the days of lulling them to sleep in the rocking chair, bending over their soft heads to breath in the powdery scent of them.
But I digress. Knowing them as well as I do is such a pleasure. And if I'm blessed enough to get to watch them reach adulthood and make their dreams come true, well, then I couldn't possibly ask for more. I'm realizing this year just how precious the in between moments are. The college talks with my oldest. The funny stories my middle son shares with me. The way my little girl still looks at me like I'm the greatest thing in the world (all the sweeter because I know it won't last).
C, J and E... Thank you. You have given me the gift of motherhood. And I am sure there is nothing better. I love you - each of you - MOST. More than you'll ever know.
