You Just Never Know

Yesterday, I was driving to the hospital with my middle son (Jack), who was scheduled to have knee surgery. While his knee is in a large brace, turns and bumps in the road are still painful, so I was very careful as I turned into the gas station. Checking my rear-view mirror as I did so, I saw the young driver behind me.  To say that he was not happy with the speed at which I turned into the lot is an understatement. This young man was making all kinds of hand gestures, yelling, basically full of road rage. Normally, I laugh this idiotic behavior off, but this time it got me thinking...

You just never know what people are going through at any given moment.

That older man you just passed on the highway doing 55 in the fast lane? Maybe he just found out his wife has Cancer.

The young couple in front of you taking the turns so slowly? Maybe they're on their way home from the hospital, their newborn baby cradled in the back seat.

The woman speeding down the highway like a fool? Maybe she's racing against the clock to say goodbye to her father.

But I digress.  Yesterday, Jack had surgery.  He had a complete knee dislocation, and 30% of his kneecap had broken off in the process.  This was Jack's first surgery (and hopefully his last). I've been in the waiting room at St. John's many times, though. His older brother has had six surgeries, his first when he was just five...

I remember when the nurse called me back to the post-op room - where the patients wake up after surgery. They only allow one parent in that room... I don't even think I gave his dad a chance.  I got back to my little boy, who was just starting to open his eyes.  I held his hand, and ran my hand through his hair, telling him everything was okay, mama was here. Suddenly, he opened his eyes. "Mama? Mama! I need the nurse!" I tried to calm him but he was insistent that he needed to see the nurse right away.  I ran to get her.  She reached his bedside and leaned close to find out what was wrong. When he saw her there he reached for her hand, and started to cry. "Thank you.  Thank you so much for taking care of me."
That was all he needed to say.
The nurse and I cried with him.

But I digress.  This was Jack's turn. And when they called me back, I headed to the post-op room to hold my boy's hand.  When I got there, he was in a great deal of pain, in a fog from the anesthesia, and couldn't feel his leg at all because they'd put in a nerve block. "They cut off my leg!" he screamed.  It took a few minutes - and several doses of morphine - for the nurse and I to calm him.  But when we did, and that medicine took hold, Jack was in typical form. In fact, the nurse loved him so much, she called the other nurses over for a laugh. The two that rolled his bed up to his hospital room were in stitches and told him they wished they could hang with him all afternoon.  He shook hands with everyone who entered his room, cracked jokes, sang songs and generally made everyone else feel good.

Speaking of Nurses... These people are angels. Really, they are.  If you are a nurse, know or love a nurse, or happen to need a nurse sometime in the future, please remember that these people devout their entire career to taking care of people who are miserable, in pain, unhappy, don't want to be there, can't sleep, are crabby, and generally not too pleasant to be around.  I've spent the night in the hospital with my boys a total of 7 times now. And believe me, it's work. There are constant requests for drinks, urinals, food, scratching of itches, and pain medication. There are countless complaints, many tears, some frustration and general crabbiness.  At one point today, trying desperately to help Jack into a wheelchair I just burst into tears. I simply had enough. I was beaten down, exhausted, stressed and ready to go home.

Nurses take care of perfect strangers. I watched half a dozen of them work with my son, and not one of them was anything less than helpful, kind, and caring.  Props to all of them.

But back to that young man in the car behind me on the way to the hospital yesterday morning. He really got to me. I mean, ask any mom.  Mess with me, okay - I can deal with that.  But you f*&k with my kid? We've got a problem.  Maybe I need to take my own earlier advice and realize that teenage boy might have been going through his own turmoil.  Nah. My guess is that he was just a kid - selfish, as teenagers can be.

But someday, that teenage boy is going to be a husband, driving his very pregnant wife to the hospital. He's going to be a daddy, racing his own teenage boy to the emergency room. He's going to be a grandfather, driving a little slower, a lifetime of living and worry slowing him down just a bit.

Until then, I'll do my best to remember...
You just never know what someone else might be going through.

Author's Note: Jack is home from the hospital and doing well. He's got a long road ahead of him... Four weeks in a locked leg brace, and then the pins in his knee will have to be removed. But he's in good spirits and glad to have the worst of it behind him. Thanks to everyone for your calls, texts, prayers, and kind thoughts!

A Writer's Advice: Tips for Beginners

I've been approached a lot lately by friends and strangers alike about my writing. People who, like me, love to write, but don't know how to get started. So if it's writing that fuels you, here are my top 10 tips for getting there.

1. Look for Local Clubs or Organizations.  When I started out, I found the St. Louis Writers Guild.  Here was an entire group dedicated to the craft I loved. I was intimidated, but I pushed through that fear and went to a meeting. It was here that I met some amazingly talented people who helped me take my writing to the next level.


2. Take Advantage of the Internet. Believe it or not there are people out there looking for someone like you. If you want to write, google "writers submissions" and the year. You'll get multiple hits for anthologies, publications and writing contests to which you can submit your work.


3. Just Ask.  When I began freelancing, I picked up the phone and called established freelance writers and asked for their advice. What should I charge? How do I find clients? Believe it or not, most creative people love helping each other out. Everyone started somewhere, and we all love to pay it forward. My last year of college, there were several agency presidents and principles who came to speak to our classes.  I would take their business cards and then invite them to lunch so that I could pick their brain. People love to talk about themselves! I would offer to write something for them - free of charge. It certainly fit their budget, and it beefed up my portfolio - a win-win! Nine years later, I'm in a position to help those just starting out.  Hey, take me to lunch... I'll talk!

4. Start Small.  Don't be afraid to write an article for a local newsletter, a sales letter for a local non-profit, or a blog post for a friend.  Anything that gets your name out there, your words read and confidence up is worth your time.  You'll be flexing those writing muscles in preparation for larger publications.

5. Set Goals. My original goal was just to get published.  Just once...somewhere, anywhere! I sent dozens of query letters and submissions and collected an entire file folder of rejection letters. And then, one day, I got an email from an online magazine accepting my submission.  I could not have been more excited. That acceptance led to two more.  So I made a new goal.  I wanted to publish a story in an anthology. And I did. Again and again. Then, I wanted to be published in a regional magazine.  Done. Six times. My latest goal is to be published in a national publication or newsmagazine like WSJ, the NewYorker or The Atlantic. Now, that would be cool.  Oh, and then there's that book I'm working on...The point is to always set new goals.

6. Speaking of Rejection... Remember that a rejection letter is a reminder that you are working at your craft.  Everyone gets them (hell, Stephen King wallpapered his entire bedroom in them).  Don't let one rejection letter stop you. In fact, let it drive you to send out two more submissions. I still get them, and I've kept every one of them in a file folder.  They remind me to keep trying.

7. Market Yourself.  Take advantage of the $0 price tag of social media. Share links to blog posts on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, pin published articles on Pinterest. Become a resource, share knowledge, and talk about what you do to anyone who'll listen.

8. Gather Your Peers.  I could not write this blog post without mentioning my amazing WWWPs - Linda, Tammy, Lynn and Sioux. This is a group of talented, kind, smart writers who have helped me immeasurably.  If you can find yourself (or put together) a critique group of peers who can help each other reach their goals, you're one lucky writer.  I know I am.

9. Act Like A Writer.  If writers have one thing in common, it's that we have a hard time admitting that we are, in fact, writers.  We feel unworthy of the title until we reach a certain goal, a certain status. Bullshit. You write. You are a writer. Act like it. Get yourself an annual subscription to industry pubs like Writer's Digest (I really like this one - lots of helpful articles). Go to the bookstore and invest in the latest issue of Writer's Market. This is your bible. A big book chock full of every magazine, trade publication and publisher, with information on how to submit your work.  And when someone asks you, "What do you do?" Answer: "I'm a writer!"

10. Just Do It. Listen, the hardest part is just to sit down and get started. You must make time, even if it's just a few minutes a day, to work on your writing (drawing/painting/whatever). The more you do it, the easier it will become.  I can't speak for those other passions, but writers must not only write, but READ.  Read the type of books/magazine articles/short stories you want to write. And then find a quite, comfortable place and get writing. Or if you are as bold and fearless as my friend Jean, grab your dog, jump in the car and get moving!

There are my top 10.  Your turn writers - what's your best advice to those starting out? What's worked for you?

Do You Lean In?

I was flipping through Cosmo the other day while I was getting a manicure (a blissfully peaceful 45 minutes) and came across an interview with Facebook's CEO Sheryl Sandberg.  She has started a movement (based on her new book) called "Lean In." Since I read that article, I've seen her all over the morning talk shows, on facebook and twitter.

This movement is very apropos for me right now, as I've recently been asked to give a presentation on Marketing and Social Media to a "Principles of Marketing" class at Washington University here in St. Louis.  Wash U students? My first thought was "They're all probably smarter than me! What could I possibly have to tell them?"

And herein lies the problem.  I'm fairly confident. And when it comes to writing, social media and marketing, I know my stuff.  But I don't believe I know more than the next guy. When I'm complimented, I immediately play down whatever success or achievement I've received. I don't know if this is a product of being raised a girl with nice manners, or just my own insecurities bubbling way too close to the surface. In any case, I've been asked to give this presentation, I've accepted the invitation, and now there's no backing out.  So, okay, I'm going to stand up in front of 50 college students and teach them something (I hope) about social media marketing.



But I digress.  Ms. Sandberg has created an organization called Lean In, where women are encouraged to tell their stories about speaking out, gaining more confidence and helping each other achieve their goals.  Are there times in your career where you've sat in a conference room against the back wall, rather than taking a chair right at the table? Are there times you've wanted to speak up, share your opinion, or disagree with decisions being made, but stayed silent?





Then this book - this organization - might be for you.  I'd like to think that by the time my seven year-old daughter begins her career, she won't even have to think about leaning in.  She'll just do it. Not because someone told her to, but because she believes she can. Because she has a voice, ideas, intelligence and drive. And she's worth listening to.




Listen, we do tend to underestimate ourselves. We must realize not only our potential but our current worth.  When I look back over the past 20 years of my career, I see more than a dozen articles and essays published, client projects created, managed and executed, ideas shared, thoughts given, lessons learned. Sure, there are people out there who know more than me, who've had different experiences, but what I bring to the table is my history, my experiences, my successes - and failures - and the sum total of all of them is nothing short of fantastic. It's true that I'm never satisfied, I'm always looking for what's next - what new social platforms are there to become an expert in, what marketing tools are trending, what topics can I write about that are new and interesting to readers? But sometimes, in all my desire to do more, write better, think smarter, work harder, I forget what I've already accomplished, what I'm doing right now. Today.




Every time I see a statement like this one, that compares men and women, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I couldn't agree more with this statement. On the other hand, I have two sons and a daughter. And I don't like people labeling my sons any more than I like them labeling my daughter. But in my experience, men do seem much more comfortable talking themselves up, whereas the women I know are much more liable to talk each other up.  Interesting, isn't it?
The truth is, we women tend to let other people sway the way we feel about ourselves.  I am definitely guilty of this.


But I digress. If there is one piece of advice I can offer, it is this: No one else has had your exact experiences, your education, your training, your life. Use these to the best of your ability and you will certainly have something unique to offer.

This movement is growing daily. I'm just a writer who happened to be moved by what I read. Enough so that I want to share it with you.  More than share, I'd like to add my two cents... offer you something more, maybe inspire you to visit LeanIn.org and learn more - maybe even share your story. What I do know is this: If it's true that women tend to underestimate themselves, it can also be said that we always have each other's backs.  When we're young - well, that's another story. If you don't mind me generalizing, young girls tend to be catty, competitive, dare I say - bitchy.  (Hey - I spent four years in a Catholic all-girl school - I should know!) But as we mature, and come into our own, we become supportive, empathetic, empowering. We realize that without each other we can't be nearly as strong. And that the female friendships we've forged over the years are the most important relationships of our lives. So, if you have the urge to compete with, criticize, or judge another woman, let it be yourself.

But don't be too hard on that woman you see in the mirror - she's smart, beautiful inside and out, talented and kind. And she has so much to offer. Go ahead... Lean In!

Was there a time when you didn't lean in? When you did?  Finish this sentence: "I am leaning in because..."

4 Things Every Kid Must Know, Courtesy of My Career

Working full-time is a tough gig for a mom. For a single mom - of three? Tougher still. There are days when I wish I had those years back.... The 9 years I spent at home, taking care of my babies, freelancing on the side. Being there always.  But you know what? There are things I've learned in business - specifically in the marketing industry - that have helped me as a parent.  

So, for all you moms out there who get up at the crack of dawn, get your kids ready and off to school, and then head into the office, work all day, and then race home in rush hour to get your kids, make dinner, help with homework, give baths and tuck your babies in, only to do it all again the next day (whew!), this one's for you. (Come to think of it, this one's also for you moms who stay home all day, parenting, running a household, and parenting some more.)

Here, the top 4 things I learned from my career, that I've tried to pass on to my kids. Things they might not learn in school, but will need one day in the not-to-distant future.  Can you just picture your youngest now, college diploma in hand; a wide-eyed idealist filled with a nice mix of fear and excitement, heading out into the "real world"?  

But I digress.  Here's my (short) list of things every kid should know before graduating:

#1   How to Shake Hands. 
This is important, and not just for boys!  Nothing irks me more than when I meet a professional – man or woman- who barely touches my hand with a feminine lightness.  It’s bad enough from women, but when men do it?  UGH! Teach your kids to:

A. Use a confident grip.
B. Look the person IN THE EYE.
C. Employ basic, reciprocal communication (i.e. how are you? I’m good, thank you, how are you?)

When I went back into the "working world" one of my first clients told me that what most impressed him about me was the way I shook hands.  I've never forgotten that.  

#2  How to Manage Money  

Many of us learn our first money lessons at home, but let me tell you, being responsible for creating a budget, getting it approved by a client, and then creating and running a marketing campaign, and staying within that budget (or explaining why you didn't), sheds a whole new light on money management. So, take your allowance lesson one step further: 
A. Give your child a way to earn money. 
B. Teach them how to save!  Every time my kids earn money, they can take their pay in cold, hard cash, but they know that whatever portion of that money they choose to put directly into savings I will match.  So, if they earn $20, and put it all in savings, I will make a deposit of $40.  If they want $10 in cash, and put $10 in savings, I will make a $20 deposit into their savings account.
C. Decide what you can afford to spend on clothing for your teen. Now put your teen in charge of that budget.  When the money's gone, it's gone. If they have $150 to spend, and they put it all towards that expensive pair of designer jeans, so be it.  But there will be nothing left for tops, shoes, etc.

D. Never, ever let them borrow money for something they want right now.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a store when one of my kids sees something they want.  Inevitably they don’t have their wallet with them. Or worse yet, they have money, but not enough.  And I get the” “I’m babysitting/mowing the lawn this weekend, so I can pay you back then!” speech.  Do NOT fall for this.  It only teaches them to borrow.  And guess what, you’re not a bank.  If you must do this, be sure you charge them interest! Better, though, to teach them instead to save for what they want.  9 times out of 10, by the time they have earned enough money, they’ve forgotten about that “must have” item anyway.

#3 How to Protect your Brand  

Marketing is all about branding:  Raising awareness about a brand, consistency of brand message, how a brand wants to be perceived.  From the sales brochure, to the customer service rep, to the social voice, the online and tv ads to the in-store POS, there must be synergy. 

Your child is a brand. Her name, her face. And everything having to do with Brand: You, must be consistent.  From the way they act in school, to their social media profiles and they way they talk around their friends.  How do they want to be perceived?  You can’t get straight As in school and then run around on the weekends in your school sweatshirt swearing up a storm and posting inappropriate comments on social profiles, and then apply to top-notch colleges.  Belive you me, your actions will catch up with you.   Make sure they understand that in this day and age, anything they say or do can easily be recorded, uploaded to the internet, shared among friends and strangers alike.  And once it's out there - forget about getting it back. I see this happen with brands all the time. It's a PR nightmare. Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, once said: "Personal brand is what people say about you when you leave the room."  So, protect your brand image.  And don't give anyone the opportunity to ruin it for you.

#4 How to Dream Big.  We do a fair amount of concepting (brainstorming) for clients. And when we're all sitting around a conference room table (or in a circle of beanbag chairs), trying to think of a fun/cool/big way to introduce a product, or increase sales, we've got to get outside of the typical way of thinking.  No idea is too big, no thought is too crazy.  Because if we can dream it up, then we can find a way to make it happen.  So if your daughter wants to be an astronaut, or your son wants to host his own cooking show - give them the confidence to believe it can happen, and the tools to get started making their dream a reality.  All it takes is a little creative thinking, and the right people to get the job done.  The only person who can stop you from realizing your dreams is you.

Your turn: What have you learned from the business world that you've taught your own kids?  Go ahead - tell us in the comments... it's nice to share!

Give it Up for Lent OR My Religious Rant

Facebook, soda, sugar, bad words, yelling, etc., etc.  So many things I've heard this week about what people are going to "give up" for Lent.

My oldest son and I have had a few (short) conversations on the subject.  His take is that there is no point.  He calls it all Malarky (yep, he's making good, clean fun of our Vice President, Joe Biden, with that one).  My take is that you have to take it with a grain of salt.  To me, the point of giving up something for Lent is about a reminder of what Jesus gave up for us - his life.  It stands to reason, doesn't it, that we should be able to sacrifice a bit.  Temporarily, of course.

I know I'm going to catch some hell (you're welcome) for this one, but Religion is a business.  It is a business, my friends.  And any organization as large as Christianity, for example, must have set rules, leaders, boundaries, a mission statement... all of these things in order to keep it (hopefully) running smoothly.  In this case, the book of rules is, apparently, the Bible.  This is good.  Except that every religion sort of "picks and chooses" which parts of the Bible they should follow, listen to, take seriously.

I, for one, don't believe that no one of the Jewish faith can go to heaven because they haven't accepted Jesus as their Lord.  Come on, now, people! Jesus was a Jew!  He went to heaven!  Heck, he's seated at the Father's right hand, is he not?  So, God in all His infinite wisdom is not going to say, "Hmmm... you're Jewish?  Out ya go!"

I have a very strong faith. I really do. And I don't feel that my faith needs to be constrained by rules that some very old, uninformed men place upon me.  Heck, these same men are the ones who still insist on calling all its followers "Men."  Ummm, I'm no English major (oh, wait, YES I AM!) and maybe these guys didn't get the memo, but "Men" means MALE.  As in... pees standing up.  "Men" does NOT encompass all people.  "People" encompasses all people.  "Men and Women" would also be acceptable.

But I digress.

This never really bothered me until I had my daughter.  As parents, we sort of say "mess with me all you want, but if you even so much as lift an eyebrow at my kid..."  So, as I stood next to my mom in church all those years, I was mortified each time she'd speak the word "She" loudly, as the congregation was saying "He." And replacing (out loud, mind you) the word "men" with "people."  Why does it matter, I thought?  It never really bothered me.  Except that now, in church, I refuse to say "men" - not because I don't like them.  I do.  I mean, I really do (ask my friends).  More than that, I happen to be raising two of them, who, in my humble opinion are pretty kick a*#.  But I don't want my daughter to feel left out.  I don't want her to think she's not every bit as important or worthy.

Remember last year when the Catholic Church changed some of the congregational responses during mass?  Instead of saying "And Also With You," as we all did for our entire lives up until that point, suddenly, when the Priest says, "May the Lord Be With You," we are to respond, "And with your spirit."  Really?  How many man (yes, that was intentional) hours do you think it took, how much budget, to get that line changed?  There were a few others, too.  Did they not think it was high time to finally change some of the wording to encompass ALL congregants?  No?  Well, why not?  I have a little girl who is going to grow up hearing "for us men..." Do they think she won't catch it? Forgive me, but she's smarter than that.  And if this religion can give pardons to priests just for listening to confessions during Lent (oh, yes they do) then what, pray tell, is the point? And please don't get me started on the whole business of confessing your sins to the man behind the curtain.

But I digress.  Again.  Deep down, I believe in the traditions passed down by those who came before me.  I think it's a good idea to remind myself of the sacrifice, the love that is my God. So, this year I'm going to quit those four letter words that seem to flow so smoothly from my mouth.  And maybe, after four weeks, it will become habit not to say them. I'll also avoid meat on Fridays. I realize not everyone does it, but it's such a small thing to do. And it serves to remind me of the season.

Fellow Catholics: What do you give up? And do you follow the practice of avoiding meat on Fridays? And for anyone of another religion, how do you feel about the business side of your faith?