At Last...Or... We've Lost a Great One

In a blog I wrote almost exactly one year ago, Name That Tune,  I quoted one of my all-time favorite songs, by the legendary Etta James.  I read on Yahoo news this morning, that James died this morning.  You can read the news piece here.

I love music.  It can set or transform a mood.  Music cuts across all barriers; class, race, sex, age, education.  It's boundless and eternal.  While I can certainly appreciate the sound, the beat, the tone of a song, as a writer, I am much more drawn in by the lyrics.  And Etta's were perfect in their simplicity.  There are others that come to mind, which I've also mentioned before, but I think the occasion warrants a reminder.  Supertramp, Maroon 5, RUSH, the Beatles.  And also a dear friend, whose lyrics remind me of that thinking man's band, because there is so much meaning behind simple words, melodic phrases.  He is truly talented.

But I digress, Etta James may be lost to this world, but her music will certainly live on forever.  And that song...At Last...which has so much meaning and memory for many of us, I'm sure, including me, will always be as timeless as it was back in the 50s, as relevant as it is still, today.

Rest in peace, Etta.

Nice and Easy Now...Step Away From the Phone.

We've all done it.  Or at the very least, we've seen it being done.

You're sitting at dinner with your family, friends, significant other (bad dates do not count here), when you get a text, a phone call, an email.  You immediately reach for your phone, which is sitting just to the right of your water glass.  Whether it's on silent or vibrate does not stop us from checking and rechecking our phone.  Is there always something better going on?

Or how about this one: over the holidays you're enjoying time with family and friends.  You're sitting in the living room with your brother-in-law, your sister from out-of-town, maybe a few cousins you see just once a year.  All of you sitting with your phone in your hands, heads down, fingers tapping away at a tiny keyboard.  "Enjoying time with out of town family and friends" you post.  Really?  Enjoying time?

Why is it that we feel we have to post constant updates about our lives, to the detriment of... our lives?  Maybe you've read recently about the young blogger's idea for the restaurant phone game.  A quick run-down in case you've been out of touch:
When you sit down at a restaurant, everyone at the table sets their phone face-down in a stack.  Regardless of whether the phone rings or vibrates, beeps or dings, no on is allowed to so much as look at their phone.
If at any point during dinner you do look at your phone?  Dinner's on you.

I like it, but, I can hear the arguments already. "My kids might call,"  "It could be work," or "I'm waiting for an important (whatever)."

What in the world did we do before cell phones?  How did we survive before smart phones let us check our email, facebook status and twitter feeds every 14 seconds around the clock?

But the truth is, I'm a bit addicted, too.  It's the nature of our society in 2012 to want - require - 24/7 access.   It's what we've become accustomed to - the norm.

And really, if we go back to the 70s (my childhood, the bee gees, bell bottoms, the good 'ol days), didn't we, in essence, do the same things, just with different distractions?  It's not like we all used to be the Cleavers and suddenly the iPhone has turned us all into cold, heartless, family-haters.  It used to be that we gathered with our friends and relatives over the holidays, sat together in a cozy family room, with a blazing fire in the fireplace and... watched TV.  So really, let's keep it in perspective folks.  Think of all the good the smart phone has done.  Toppled governments, for God's sake!  Saved Lives!  Started conversations, raised money, connected lost relatives, high school friends...

But I digress.  Back to that mobile phone restaurant game.  Is it so hard to unplug for an hour?  90 minutes tops?  Maybe.  But I am going to give it a shot next time I'm out to dinner and let you know how I do.  Give it a try, and let me know if you were successful...

Truth Be Told...

A dear friend came to me recently with a problem.  Someone she loved - someone she trusted implicitly - had lied to her.  Not a white lie, mind you.  Not a "keep a secret so she'll be surprised" kind of lie.  This was a doozy.  The issue isn't whether she can forgive and forget.  It's: should she?  When we are faced with a reality that is so far apart than what we believed, is it possible to trust again?  And not just that specific person, but anyone for that matter?

I think sometimes it's healthy to hold a grudge.  I think we need to hold on to a bit of the anger, so that we don't make that same mistake again.  How do we get past the lie?  And if we forgive, do we ever really forget?

On the other hand, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?  How do we know if the person truly just made a terrible error in judgement...or if we misjudged their character?

This is the advice I gave to my dear friend:  First of all, take time.  Time to be angry.  And sad.  Time to realize that the way one person treats you does not define you.  And then, and only then, when you're feeling stronger, you can begin to forgive.  But, forget?  I don't think so.  Better to remember.  Let it strengthen your resolve.  And remind you never to go against your own morals and values.

And if the person apologizes, profusely, and truly seems sincere, then go ahead and accept the apology.  And explain that you're working on forgiveness.  But don't forget.  And remember this: Actions speak louder than words.  If the words belie the actions, then it's time to move on.

Got any of your own advice to share?

The Holidays are Here! OR The Mall is My True Hell This Time of Year

Christmas is only 6 days away.  I've got shopping to do, but here I sit at my beloved Mac, staring at a snow, white screen, the blinking cursor mocking me.  Whaddya got, hmmm? Nothin'?  I thought so.


Yeah, pretty much.  Nothin'.  But these things happen, right?  My well is dry.  I'm immersed in so much logistics and industry speak and corporate meetings, that, first chance I get to sit down and write for me, what do I do?  I shun my beautiful Mac...and head to the mall.  Where, suffice it to say, nary a word is found.  But people...oh the people!  This isn't Walmart, mind you.  But the people are out in droves.  And today (sing along with me, won't you?)

These are the people in my neighborhood
in my neighborhood
in my neighborhood
OH, these are the people in my neighborhood, 
the people that I meet each day...


The Professional Shopper...On a Mission (from God)
This gal takes no mall prisoners.  She walks with purpose, cutting a swath through the throng of holiday shoppers that would impress Moses.  She checks off the items neatly listed in her iPhone notes page one by one, heads to the check out where she whips out that debit card (not a credit card for this pro, no, she's got her budget down to a science) like she's ten paces out in an old western.

The Stressed Mom
Not only has she lost the napkin on which was scribbled her list of gifts to buy, but she can't find the damn coupons she's been saving for just this day...this ONE day that she was able to escape without the kids.  She's got exactly 2 hours and 14 minutes left to get ALL of her shopping done.  Her husband just called to ask her where the number for Pizza Hut is, and she can hear screaming in the background.  She starts grabbing things - any things - off shelves in an effort to buy something - anything.  She fishes in her purse for a credit card - any credit card - and pulls out used tissues, a pacifier and a half-eaten sucker in the process.


The Lost Husband
He knows he hasn't bought a single gift yet, but he's so enjoying himself at the Apple store.  When he finally realizes the mall closes in 45 minutes, he gets nervous and heads straight for the only place he knows he'll find something his wife will like...the jewelry store.  There he stands, hands leaning on the glass, eyes peering into the long wall of cases.  A diamond heart necklace is on sale - especially for the holidays - the ad says every woman wants one.  He is about to do something he'll later regret, but right now, the game is still on, and he could use a beer.  So he buys two; one for his wife, one for his mother.  Poor bastard.


The Hungry/Tired/Bored Toddler (aka "Screaming Kid")
There's one in every mall, isn't there?  Poor thing.  She's been dragged around for hours, had a lunch of dry cheerios and a seventeen minute nap in the car, and is made to walk right past all the shiny toys, beautiful dolls and cozy stuffed animals.  No, her mama tells her, you must wait until Christmas.  Here come the tears.  The kicking.  The screaming.  The making-my-whole-body-like-wet-spaghetti-so-you-can't-pick-me-up-and-drag-me-out-of-here.  What this child needs is a babysitter.  And an hour of fresh air.


Don'tcha just love the holidays!?  Got any mall war stories to share?

Hey! Look Out for That Curve Ball! Or...I'm Still Thankful

Sometimes, life throws curve balls.  Knocks ya down.  Just when you thought you'd been through the worst of it, and made it out the other side.  I've been preoccupied lately, so much so that I didn't even have the inclination to write a Thanksgiving blog.

Then I realized, that curve balls and all, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.  I should be quite strong enough by now, God, thanks very much.

All of us have stress in our lives - career, kids, significant others, family members, friends, health, bills.  Even our futures don't seem as certain as they once did.  When I was a kid, they greatest responsibilities I had were school, homework, getting home by the time the street lamps cast their light on the blacktop.  I had chores, sure, but I never worried about my future.  I had a lifetime to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I didn't question whether or not I'd finish school, start a career, get married and start a family.  It was a given.

Now that I'm "here" in grown up land...well, it's a heck of a lot more stressful than I ever anticipated.  In fact, some days, it's down right miserable.  How I long for those days of skipping rocks across the creek, throwing rocks at my neighbor's window, playing Kickball and Ghost in the Graveyard in the cul-de-sac.

But I digress, hope everyone's Thanksgiving was happy.  And (full)filling.  It's a little belated, but hey, being thankful isn't just for turkey day, right?

I am thankful for my childhood.  For those innocent memories.  I am thankful that, while my kids' childhoods are different, they are still innocent.  They are busy making memories, spending time with friends, figuring out what they'd like to be when they grow up.

I'm thankful for all that I've learned in the past 39 years, too, because it makes me a better mom, a more compassionate person.  And, hey, if nothing else, at least I've got some good writing material.

I'm thankful for Connor.  For his awesome, dry sense of humor.  His strength getting through surgeries, his patience with his little sister, his understanding of his brother.  For being child #1, because somebody had to come first, so I could practice.

I'm thankful for Jack.  For his smile that lights up a room, for his ability to know just what to say when I'm feeling down, and for his yummy pancakes. For being the middle child, because that is no easy position to be in, and it takes a strong personality to stand out in the crowd.  He certainly does.

I'm thankful for Ella-Bella.  For her great, big hugs.  For showing me that I can parent a girl, and really love it.  For being #3, because after her two brothers, she's not gonna get away with a damn thing (Although, I do believe that she loves being the baby).

I'm thankful that I can, occasionally put together a string of words to create a coherent, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, entertaining sentence or two.  I'm thankful for a supportive family and wonderful friends, which includes a writing group of really fantastic women who push me, make me think, and never fail to make me laugh so hard I pee a little.