Au Revoir! OR Mom's Takin' a Lil' Break

I'm leavin'.  On a jet plane...

My bags are packed (sort of), the kids' schedules have been finalized and distributed (mostly). And tomorrow at 1:30, I'll be headed to Chicago's O'Hare airport where I'll board a 5:30pm flight bound for Paris.  This trip has been 8 months in the making (I first wrote about it here) so you'd think I'd have had ample time to prepare, right?  Well, with three kids, a host of last minute stresses, oh and throw in a few surgeries, it's been pretty tough to pull it all together.

Have you ever planned a weekend away without your kids? A little getaway perhaps with the spouse or the girls?  Moms never just pack up and go. We have to arrange and rearrange and schedule and assure, and write notes, and email teachers... I realized this past week, that, well, I do a LOT! Just on a daily basis.  Good LORD, no wonder I'm so tired!

It's hard for moms to admit, too, that not only do we need a break, but we deserve one, too! We have so much guilt, and if you're Catholic, well, you've got it in spades.

But I digress, with the help of my mom, and my kids' dad, I am, in fact, taking a break. A 10-day break to be exact. I'm not sure if I'll know what to do with myself without all the... stuff.  The homework, the school lunches, meals, play dates, driving to and from wherever. Oh, and the laundry. Good Lord, there's a lot of laundry! Housework and yard work, and whatever else.

I can't imagine having no dishes to clean after dinner - for 10 DAYS straight! No alarm clock to wake me up. No boot camp (although I will be taking my bands, and fitting in workouts because, well, a Shark's a Shark no matter where you put us).

These eight months have flown by! I was going to make time to learn French (at least enough to get by). Instead I downloaded an app yesterday that will teach me the basic phrases (where's' the bathroom; Red wine, please; another round, please...).

So, I'm off.  But I will be writing. And I'll be posting my "American Girl in Paris" blogs as often as possible, so stay tuned!

But first... I'll be hugging my kids a little tighter, staying up a little later tonight just to be together.

Au Revoir!

On Rejection and Looking Forward

I was cleaning out my filing cabinet the other day.  A task I enjoy so much that I space each occurance out by about five years.  So, I am going through these files for my freelance business that I began back in 2004.  This is also when I started trying in earnest to get published.  When I graduated in 2005 (um, no, I was not 21), I was given a copy of Writer's Market as a gift. I scoured the pages, highlighting and dog-earing any publications for which I thought I might like to write.

And then I started writing and sending query letters.  I really wished I'd saved the letters, but oh well.  What I did save were all the rejection letters.  I learned early on (from Stephen King's "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft") that rejection letters were not a bad thing, that every writer receives them, that they are really just a sign that you're doing your job, getting your work out there, trying.  So, I created a special file folder which I labeled "Rejections" in big read letters. And that is where they have resided all these years.  I pulled them out the other night and was shocked at how many I'd received.  Wow! Look at all the publications I'd sent to! I was actually proud of my younger, greener self.

From my seat on the floor of my office, I looked up at the credenza above my writing desk where I keep a copy of all my published articles.  The Chicken Soup books and various magazines now number more than a dozen.

Ten years ago, I only dreamed of having a dozen or more publications under my belt, my bio listed in various anthologies and publications both regional and national.  And now, years later, here they are.

As I continued going through files, I came across one from my Webster University days filled with short stories I'd written for creative writing classes. Those protagonists I created are just lying in wait to be given new opportunities, new challenges, new life.

When was the last time you took the time to look back over the last 10 years or so to see what you've accomplished?  My guess is you've come a long way, baby.  We all fall into ruts now and then. Face rejection. Have trouble finding inspiration.  If you haven't yet, take a few minutes today to remind yourself of all you've accomplished, the goals you've reached, the ones you're working towards. Then get back to working on them.  They're not going anywhere, and the days, months and years are going to pass whether you go for it or not.

Give yourself the opportunity to look back 10 years from now and be proud of all you've accomplished!

You Just Never Know

Yesterday, I was driving to the hospital with my middle son (Jack), who was scheduled to have knee surgery. While his knee is in a large brace, turns and bumps in the road are still painful, so I was very careful as I turned into the gas station. Checking my rear-view mirror as I did so, I saw the young driver behind me.  To say that he was not happy with the speed at which I turned into the lot is an understatement. This young man was making all kinds of hand gestures, yelling, basically full of road rage. Normally, I laugh this idiotic behavior off, but this time it got me thinking...

You just never know what people are going through at any given moment.

That older man you just passed on the highway doing 55 in the fast lane? Maybe he just found out his wife has Cancer.

The young couple in front of you taking the turns so slowly? Maybe they're on their way home from the hospital, their newborn baby cradled in the back seat.

The woman speeding down the highway like a fool? Maybe she's racing against the clock to say goodbye to her father.

But I digress.  Yesterday, Jack had surgery.  He had a complete knee dislocation, and 30% of his kneecap had broken off in the process.  This was Jack's first surgery (and hopefully his last). I've been in the waiting room at St. John's many times, though. His older brother has had six surgeries, his first when he was just five...

I remember when the nurse called me back to the post-op room - where the patients wake up after surgery. They only allow one parent in that room... I don't even think I gave his dad a chance.  I got back to my little boy, who was just starting to open his eyes.  I held his hand, and ran my hand through his hair, telling him everything was okay, mama was here. Suddenly, he opened his eyes. "Mama? Mama! I need the nurse!" I tried to calm him but he was insistent that he needed to see the nurse right away.  I ran to get her.  She reached his bedside and leaned close to find out what was wrong. When he saw her there he reached for her hand, and started to cry. "Thank you.  Thank you so much for taking care of me."
That was all he needed to say.
The nurse and I cried with him.

But I digress.  This was Jack's turn. And when they called me back, I headed to the post-op room to hold my boy's hand.  When I got there, he was in a great deal of pain, in a fog from the anesthesia, and couldn't feel his leg at all because they'd put in a nerve block. "They cut off my leg!" he screamed.  It took a few minutes - and several doses of morphine - for the nurse and I to calm him.  But when we did, and that medicine took hold, Jack was in typical form. In fact, the nurse loved him so much, she called the other nurses over for a laugh. The two that rolled his bed up to his hospital room were in stitches and told him they wished they could hang with him all afternoon.  He shook hands with everyone who entered his room, cracked jokes, sang songs and generally made everyone else feel good.

Speaking of Nurses... These people are angels. Really, they are.  If you are a nurse, know or love a nurse, or happen to need a nurse sometime in the future, please remember that these people devout their entire career to taking care of people who are miserable, in pain, unhappy, don't want to be there, can't sleep, are crabby, and generally not too pleasant to be around.  I've spent the night in the hospital with my boys a total of 7 times now. And believe me, it's work. There are constant requests for drinks, urinals, food, scratching of itches, and pain medication. There are countless complaints, many tears, some frustration and general crabbiness.  At one point today, trying desperately to help Jack into a wheelchair I just burst into tears. I simply had enough. I was beaten down, exhausted, stressed and ready to go home.

Nurses take care of perfect strangers. I watched half a dozen of them work with my son, and not one of them was anything less than helpful, kind, and caring.  Props to all of them.

But back to that young man in the car behind me on the way to the hospital yesterday morning. He really got to me. I mean, ask any mom.  Mess with me, okay - I can deal with that.  But you f*&k with my kid? We've got a problem.  Maybe I need to take my own earlier advice and realize that teenage boy might have been going through his own turmoil.  Nah. My guess is that he was just a kid - selfish, as teenagers can be.

But someday, that teenage boy is going to be a husband, driving his very pregnant wife to the hospital. He's going to be a daddy, racing his own teenage boy to the emergency room. He's going to be a grandfather, driving a little slower, a lifetime of living and worry slowing him down just a bit.

Until then, I'll do my best to remember...
You just never know what someone else might be going through.

Author's Note: Jack is home from the hospital and doing well. He's got a long road ahead of him... Four weeks in a locked leg brace, and then the pins in his knee will have to be removed. But he's in good spirits and glad to have the worst of it behind him. Thanks to everyone for your calls, texts, prayers, and kind thoughts!

A Writer's Advice: Tips for Beginners

I've been approached a lot lately by friends and strangers alike about my writing. People who, like me, love to write, but don't know how to get started. So if it's writing that fuels you, here are my top 10 tips for getting there.

1. Look for Local Clubs or Organizations.  When I started out, I found the St. Louis Writers Guild.  Here was an entire group dedicated to the craft I loved. I was intimidated, but I pushed through that fear and went to a meeting. It was here that I met some amazingly talented people who helped me take my writing to the next level.


2. Take Advantage of the Internet. Believe it or not there are people out there looking for someone like you. If you want to write, google "writers submissions" and the year. You'll get multiple hits for anthologies, publications and writing contests to which you can submit your work.


3. Just Ask.  When I began freelancing, I picked up the phone and called established freelance writers and asked for their advice. What should I charge? How do I find clients? Believe it or not, most creative people love helping each other out. Everyone started somewhere, and we all love to pay it forward. My last year of college, there were several agency presidents and principles who came to speak to our classes.  I would take their business cards and then invite them to lunch so that I could pick their brain. People love to talk about themselves! I would offer to write something for them - free of charge. It certainly fit their budget, and it beefed up my portfolio - a win-win! Nine years later, I'm in a position to help those just starting out.  Hey, take me to lunch... I'll talk!

4. Start Small.  Don't be afraid to write an article for a local newsletter, a sales letter for a local non-profit, or a blog post for a friend.  Anything that gets your name out there, your words read and confidence up is worth your time.  You'll be flexing those writing muscles in preparation for larger publications.

5. Set Goals. My original goal was just to get published.  Just once...somewhere, anywhere! I sent dozens of query letters and submissions and collected an entire file folder of rejection letters. And then, one day, I got an email from an online magazine accepting my submission.  I could not have been more excited. That acceptance led to two more.  So I made a new goal.  I wanted to publish a story in an anthology. And I did. Again and again. Then, I wanted to be published in a regional magazine.  Done. Six times. My latest goal is to be published in a national publication or newsmagazine like WSJ, the NewYorker or The Atlantic. Now, that would be cool.  Oh, and then there's that book I'm working on...The point is to always set new goals.

6. Speaking of Rejection... Remember that a rejection letter is a reminder that you are working at your craft.  Everyone gets them (hell, Stephen King wallpapered his entire bedroom in them).  Don't let one rejection letter stop you. In fact, let it drive you to send out two more submissions. I still get them, and I've kept every one of them in a file folder.  They remind me to keep trying.

7. Market Yourself.  Take advantage of the $0 price tag of social media. Share links to blog posts on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, pin published articles on Pinterest. Become a resource, share knowledge, and talk about what you do to anyone who'll listen.

8. Gather Your Peers.  I could not write this blog post without mentioning my amazing WWWPs - Linda, Tammy, Lynn and Sioux. This is a group of talented, kind, smart writers who have helped me immeasurably.  If you can find yourself (or put together) a critique group of peers who can help each other reach their goals, you're one lucky writer.  I know I am.

9. Act Like A Writer.  If writers have one thing in common, it's that we have a hard time admitting that we are, in fact, writers.  We feel unworthy of the title until we reach a certain goal, a certain status. Bullshit. You write. You are a writer. Act like it. Get yourself an annual subscription to industry pubs like Writer's Digest (I really like this one - lots of helpful articles). Go to the bookstore and invest in the latest issue of Writer's Market. This is your bible. A big book chock full of every magazine, trade publication and publisher, with information on how to submit your work.  And when someone asks you, "What do you do?" Answer: "I'm a writer!"

10. Just Do It. Listen, the hardest part is just to sit down and get started. You must make time, even if it's just a few minutes a day, to work on your writing (drawing/painting/whatever). The more you do it, the easier it will become.  I can't speak for those other passions, but writers must not only write, but READ.  Read the type of books/magazine articles/short stories you want to write. And then find a quite, comfortable place and get writing. Or if you are as bold and fearless as my friend Jean, grab your dog, jump in the car and get moving!

There are my top 10.  Your turn writers - what's your best advice to those starting out? What's worked for you?

Do You Lean In?

I was flipping through Cosmo the other day while I was getting a manicure (a blissfully peaceful 45 minutes) and came across an interview with Facebook's CEO Sheryl Sandberg.  She has started a movement (based on her new book) called "Lean In." Since I read that article, I've seen her all over the morning talk shows, on facebook and twitter.

This movement is very apropos for me right now, as I've recently been asked to give a presentation on Marketing and Social Media to a "Principles of Marketing" class at Washington University here in St. Louis.  Wash U students? My first thought was "They're all probably smarter than me! What could I possibly have to tell them?"

And herein lies the problem.  I'm fairly confident. And when it comes to writing, social media and marketing, I know my stuff.  But I don't believe I know more than the next guy. When I'm complimented, I immediately play down whatever success or achievement I've received. I don't know if this is a product of being raised a girl with nice manners, or just my own insecurities bubbling way too close to the surface. In any case, I've been asked to give this presentation, I've accepted the invitation, and now there's no backing out.  So, okay, I'm going to stand up in front of 50 college students and teach them something (I hope) about social media marketing.



But I digress.  Ms. Sandberg has created an organization called Lean In, where women are encouraged to tell their stories about speaking out, gaining more confidence and helping each other achieve their goals.  Are there times in your career where you've sat in a conference room against the back wall, rather than taking a chair right at the table? Are there times you've wanted to speak up, share your opinion, or disagree with decisions being made, but stayed silent?





Then this book - this organization - might be for you.  I'd like to think that by the time my seven year-old daughter begins her career, she won't even have to think about leaning in.  She'll just do it. Not because someone told her to, but because she believes she can. Because she has a voice, ideas, intelligence and drive. And she's worth listening to.




Listen, we do tend to underestimate ourselves. We must realize not only our potential but our current worth.  When I look back over the past 20 years of my career, I see more than a dozen articles and essays published, client projects created, managed and executed, ideas shared, thoughts given, lessons learned. Sure, there are people out there who know more than me, who've had different experiences, but what I bring to the table is my history, my experiences, my successes - and failures - and the sum total of all of them is nothing short of fantastic. It's true that I'm never satisfied, I'm always looking for what's next - what new social platforms are there to become an expert in, what marketing tools are trending, what topics can I write about that are new and interesting to readers? But sometimes, in all my desire to do more, write better, think smarter, work harder, I forget what I've already accomplished, what I'm doing right now. Today.




Every time I see a statement like this one, that compares men and women, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I couldn't agree more with this statement. On the other hand, I have two sons and a daughter. And I don't like people labeling my sons any more than I like them labeling my daughter. But in my experience, men do seem much more comfortable talking themselves up, whereas the women I know are much more liable to talk each other up.  Interesting, isn't it?
The truth is, we women tend to let other people sway the way we feel about ourselves.  I am definitely guilty of this.


But I digress. If there is one piece of advice I can offer, it is this: No one else has had your exact experiences, your education, your training, your life. Use these to the best of your ability and you will certainly have something unique to offer.

This movement is growing daily. I'm just a writer who happened to be moved by what I read. Enough so that I want to share it with you.  More than share, I'd like to add my two cents... offer you something more, maybe inspire you to visit LeanIn.org and learn more - maybe even share your story. What I do know is this: If it's true that women tend to underestimate themselves, it can also be said that we always have each other's backs.  When we're young - well, that's another story. If you don't mind me generalizing, young girls tend to be catty, competitive, dare I say - bitchy.  (Hey - I spent four years in a Catholic all-girl school - I should know!) But as we mature, and come into our own, we become supportive, empathetic, empowering. We realize that without each other we can't be nearly as strong. And that the female friendships we've forged over the years are the most important relationships of our lives. So, if you have the urge to compete with, criticize, or judge another woman, let it be yourself.

But don't be too hard on that woman you see in the mirror - she's smart, beautiful inside and out, talented and kind. And she has so much to offer. Go ahead... Lean In!

Was there a time when you didn't lean in? When you did?  Finish this sentence: "I am leaning in because..."